July 24, 2018
As I heard him ask the question, I already knew the answers I would hear. The commentator asked, “What would you do if you found out that you only had a few weeks to live?”. The answers did not surprise me. Some told him they would take the trip of a lifetime, seeing things they had always wanted to see. Others told him they would check off as much of their bucket list as possible, doing all the things they had never found the time to do. And others said they would spend the time with family, saying the things they always wished they had said.
As I heard the comments, a smile came to my face. A smile that made me reflect on each of their answers. A smile that reminded me of the reality of the question. Three words made his question stand out to me. Three words made his question a reality. Those three words? I am dying. As many of you know, I am in the final stage of cancer. My life is now counted by the months and the days, no longer by the years. And as I heard the question asked, I could honestly hear the question being asked of myself. What will I now do with the time I have left? Will I spend that time doing all the things I had never done? Would I seek to spend time with those close to me? Or would I seek to make right all the wrongs I have committed in my life?
It did not take me long to know my answer to the question. I will live each tomorrow the Lord gives me the same as I have lived today. I will spend each day I have left doing the things the Lord has called me to do today, praying I will have the chance to do more of those things tomorrow. I will eagerly live each day the same as the day He gave me yesterday. I will live each day as if I am dying!
Each day reminds me of what hope tomorrow holds, and what possibilities today offers. The reality of my tomorrow does not change me, it encourages me to make the most of each of the opportunities the Lord entrusts me with today. To not let those opportunities slip by, and to cherish the blessing that each of those opportunities bring. Each day reminds me that I live for Christ today, and I long to spend an eternity with Him tomorrow. It calls me to cherish each moment I am allowed to serve my Lord today, knowing He has already done everything to make the most of what He has waiting on me tomorrow.
God’s Word tells us, “Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.”(Philippians 4:6). Most look at this verse and will tell you Paul is telling us to not worry, to turn all our concerns over to the Lord. But if we look at this verse closely, it speaks so much more to us. The word for “worry” actually means, “do not be anxious, do not let troubles change you”. Our troubles should not be worries that causes change in us, but should do nothing more than change the opportunities that the Lord gives us. Opening doors for us to speak with others about all that Christ is doing in our lives. Not just speaking the words, but showing them firsthand, that no matter what we may face, the Lord is always there with us(1 Peter 5:7).
Cancer has shown me that nothing I will ever face is too small or too big for God. Each day He places His arms around me, and does not allow cancer to distract me. He whispers in my ear reminding me of the call and purpose He has for me, not letting cancer redirect me from those plans. The cancer may be spreading through my body, but it does not and cannot spread faster than the love He has for me. A love that does the impossible, turning my cancer into a blessing. A blessing that draws Him close to me, giving me the slightest glimpse of what eternity will be like, being able to spend each minute next to Him.
I sadly watch as the reality of death brings anxiety to the lives of so many. Leaving them so often filled with loss, and consumed by regret. Feeling like they only have a few days to live a lifetime, only having a few precious moments to make right the wrongs that have filled their lives. But Christ is taking this time to bring me back to that verse in Philippians. Taking away the anxiety that death so longs to bring, and allowing me the time to thank Him for all He has done in my life. As strange as the words may sound, cancer may have weakened my body, but it has allowed Him to strengthen my spirit. Taking away my desire to go out into this world and do all the things I have never done, but instead, spending time with Him that prepares me for an amazing eternity that He has awaiting me.
Cancer has shown me each day just how real God is. God’s Word tells me that He reveals enough of Himself for all the world to know Him(Romans 1:20). But through my cancer, He has revealed to me so much more! Each day, I feel the realness of His presence with me. When the cancer overwhelms me, He whispers words of encouragement to me. When the cancer weakens me, I feel His arms surrounding me. Lifting me up, giving me the strength to face head on anything cancer may bring my way. And as the cancer takes the abilities of my body from me, He calls me in new ways. Showing me different and amazing paths where He can still use me. His presence does not allow this disease to define me, instead He encircles me with a love and grace that only He lets define me.
Each day, He takes my mind from the cancer, and focuses my eyes on the beauty of the work of His hand that is all around me. He allows me to see through the eyes of David, showing me just what led him to write these words. “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.”(Psalm 19:1). A beautiful work that leaves this world without excuse. A beauty that holds every answer to every question this world could ever ask. A beauty that holds out hope for this failed and flawed creature we call man.
A beauty that spoke to Solomon, and allowed him to explain it with a single verse. “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.”(Ecclesiastes 3:11). Solomon tells us in these words, that all the beauty created answers for us the “Who”. Every sight our eyes see answers for us the “what”. Each movement of His hand shows us the “how”. And each word that He speaks answers for us the “when”. This beauty only leaves us with one word, and one question. “Where”. “Where do you need me today, Lord?” This beauty shows me that cancer will never be able to describe me, that I can only be described by each time I ask Him “where”.
The “where” does not lead me to last minute daredevil acts, or to see sights that I have never seen. The “where” leads me to the beauty of His arms, and to an excitement and a rush that I can only find in those arms. The “where” may no longer lead me to exotic places. And with the cancer, the “where” often days no longer leads me out of my house. But each day the “where” still leads people into my path, giving me the words He needs me to speak to them. And each day, the “where” still directs my hands, writing the words He calls on me to write. The “where” still drives me back to the words of David, leaving me without excuse.
One day soon, the cancer will have left my voice a memory. It will have left the words I write no more than a thought from a distant past. While I still have a voice you can hear, and can write words that you will see, I pray each of you will always ask “where”. Do not let a day slip by that you do not ask the Lord, “Where do you need me today?” Cherish each place He leads you. Speak loudly and with joy as you arrive, and never leave until you hear others asking “where”. Make the most of each of the moments He gives you. Always remember just how precious of a gift this life He has given you is. Never forget to let everyone around you know, with Christ, it is never too late for a happily ever after! And each day with Christ, live like you were dying!
In the words of C.H. Spurgeon. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble! 